Hmm

Again, here I am, my pit not so big, the darkness not so scary, but still, its there... if i can, i will identify my darkened pit as loneliness, as fear, as insecurity, and hopelessness. It see it as anything more that these, might be over exaggerating, and anything less would not describe the pain. Where do I start to fix this, how do i climb out of it? Well, Matt told me to get over it, and grow up, and put on my big girl pants. I want to, but that seems to easy,

how to i tell the people who are so close that i hurt, that i am going crazy in my head, that I can't handle this on my own anymore. I so done on the inside. its eating me alive, i can't drink to make it better... and i don't want to do it the old way. but i can't think of any other options. I can't tell people i hurt, i can't burden people with my problems. i have to be my own solution. I need my oxygen, but where i find it, im not sure. i think its in a bottle downstairs

i was looking forward to this weekend... it was going to be the solution to my problem. my girls were going to come, there was going to be hope, i should have known better than to trust to find a solution is something so unreliable. Im a mess, and nobody knows. im wrecked, and i don't know how to fix it. i know the temporary solution, lies in bottle, but what about long term. how do i start fixing that, how do i put the train back on the track to the next destination.