Thursday, January 22, 2009
I am frustrated. I am upset that my roommates cannot get along. one is afraid to approach the other and doesn't realize that other person is still upset. Because the other one is still upset, she is refusing to acknowledge the other person. I know both sides, and they wont talk to each other, and it hurts, both physically and emotionally, and I don't know what to do about it.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Learning Spanish
Estoy pensando que hasta el con debo escribir mis 'posts' en español para que pueda aprender y usarlo en mi vida diraia. Hoy es domingo y hay un gran tromente de nieve a fuera de la iglesia. Hacia mucho tiempo que no asistío esta iglesia aquí en Gloucester. Hoy ellos hacieron un debate entre algunos groupos de miembros. Por lo menos entiendo lo queellos están dicen, pero los accentos todavía es algo tan difícil para entender. La moraleja de UMH para hoy era de Dios, claro
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Oh no
Peacemaker... is that my new official role in the house? When all i want is to just have a calm peaceful night with everyone seems to fight. I don't want to get involved in the problems that exist between other people. And there just seems to be alot of underlying problems that continue to work themeselves out as other things arise. Not that i am part of some of the problems, I am just trying to make that different this semester. This semester I want to be a solution, even if that means just being on the outside and not getting involved. Last semester it was easier because i wasn't sharing a room with anyone. Now tonight i felt like i got peged because of the fact that i share a room. I feel as though everyone has valid concerns, it just is not really communicated, and some people just haven't grown up, and others have.
I was home again, alone for a long time. Lonely doesn't really describe how it went. I wasn't very lonely, i was pretty productive, and it was restful, until others came home. What I did enjoy was that I was able to eat today,and not over eat. I loved it. It is satisfying to know that I have the will power to say no. now that I am talking about it, i am getting a lil hungry. But, there is no eatting until tomorrow morning.
I was home again, alone for a long time. Lonely doesn't really describe how it went. I wasn't very lonely, i was pretty productive, and it was restful, until others came home. What I did enjoy was that I was able to eat today,and not over eat. I loved it. It is satisfying to know that I have the will power to say no. now that I am talking about it, i am getting a lil hungry. But, there is no eatting until tomorrow morning.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
The eve of a new / last semester
Oh boy! I can't believe I am a second semester senior! Where have the last four years gone? I'm sure my mom and my dad feel the same way. I love them both so much. Here I am on the eve of the beginning of the end and I am nervious about where it is going. Well I mean with my house, I got here at around 6 and nobody was here until 10. Not that I mind being alone unjust don't want it happening everyday. Im already struggling with loniness enough as it is that I don't need to be alone in my house all the time. I know that I am an emotional eater and a bored eater. I did well tonight and today in general regarding my bad eatting habits. See you in the morning!
Saturday, January 10, 2009
My Fears
Good Morning,
my fears regarding God's plan for me, start in Modesto. Getting to Modesto is not the problem. The problem lies when i get then. Im scared to death of what it is that i actually have to do when i get there. I feel as though I have no clue about what im doing, so how am i suppose to do i. But like Moses, I have been called there. When Moses was called to go to Egypt God went with him every step of the way and helped to accomplish what it was that God wanted him to do. I can only pray and trust that God will do the same for me. Not only when i get there, but also along the way. With the things that I want to accomplish before I get there, I need God's help. I need Him to lead me.
So the 4 things that I mentioned at the beginning of this are
1. Approval
2. Graduation
3. Weight
4. Money
The past couple of days i have had a break through with both money and weight. I went to the doctors on Wed. and talked with my doctor about trying to become a healthier version of myself. She said that I could join Curves, and should go swimming too. Which im excited about. So i went to Curves yesterday and made an appointment to go in on monday to try everything out. The other thing my doctor and I talked about was food, because I don't really eat all of the right foods, but im working on that. So ya, she basically said to continue eatting the way i am eatting, but change my portion size. I am also taking it upon myself to eat more fruits and veggies. YAY. Last night when I went out to eat with my roommate, i was able to look at the plate of pasta, and decide that I only wanted to eat part of it, not all of it. and I did. I was very proud of myself. I also have not been eatting late at night, which i think will help. Now i just have to get to the exersize part of my diet. jaja... maybe soon I can do that.
The other thing that has gone well, is that I came back to MA, and I got myself back into my babysitting job. YAY! If i can do alot of work for her, I am going to do that. I am also thinking about maybe getting a housekeeping, under the table sort of job, and whatever I make from that I want to put into my saving account, and put what I make babysitting into my checking. (I don't have much a choice, given that its a direct deposit into my checking. :-p). well thats it for now. off to work. I don't want to be late. See ya'll laters.
my fears regarding God's plan for me, start in Modesto. Getting to Modesto is not the problem. The problem lies when i get then. Im scared to death of what it is that i actually have to do when i get there. I feel as though I have no clue about what im doing, so how am i suppose to do i. But like Moses, I have been called there. When Moses was called to go to Egypt God went with him every step of the way and helped to accomplish what it was that God wanted him to do. I can only pray and trust that God will do the same for me. Not only when i get there, but also along the way. With the things that I want to accomplish before I get there, I need God's help. I need Him to lead me.
So the 4 things that I mentioned at the beginning of this are
1. Approval
2. Graduation
3. Weight
4. Money
The past couple of days i have had a break through with both money and weight. I went to the doctors on Wed. and talked with my doctor about trying to become a healthier version of myself. She said that I could join Curves, and should go swimming too. Which im excited about. So i went to Curves yesterday and made an appointment to go in on monday to try everything out. The other thing my doctor and I talked about was food, because I don't really eat all of the right foods, but im working on that. So ya, she basically said to continue eatting the way i am eatting, but change my portion size. I am also taking it upon myself to eat more fruits and veggies. YAY. Last night when I went out to eat with my roommate, i was able to look at the plate of pasta, and decide that I only wanted to eat part of it, not all of it. and I did. I was very proud of myself. I also have not been eatting late at night, which i think will help. Now i just have to get to the exersize part of my diet. jaja... maybe soon I can do that.
The other thing that has gone well, is that I came back to MA, and I got myself back into my babysitting job. YAY! If i can do alot of work for her, I am going to do that. I am also thinking about maybe getting a housekeeping, under the table sort of job, and whatever I make from that I want to put into my saving account, and put what I make babysitting into my checking. (I don't have much a choice, given that its a direct deposit into my checking. :-p). well thats it for now. off to work. I don't want to be late. See ya'll laters.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Answering the Assignments
Health
So why do i deserve to be healthy...
1. i was wonderful and fearfully made by the hands of God. And i honestly don't think that, my human person was meant to be this big. i don't feel as though i can complete God's work the way I am. I want to give Him, my best and my all. That is part of why i want to do this.
So why do i want to be healthy...
1. there are alot of answers
2. i want energy, today i spent the day laying in bed because i was so tired, and i had so much today, and could not get out of bed. now this seems to be my lack of sleep, but eh. whatever. I just need to start doing it, instead of keep on waiting.
3. my grandparents health has been spiraling out of control in the past couple of months, and seeing how they have progressed, i want to avoid that. i want to be the best me that i can be. i want to lead a healthy lifestyle. and the best time to start is now. not in 40 years when its necessary, i want to live a healthy life.
One thing that i did to try and make progress regarding my health is to visit my doctor. I went the other day to talk to her about a few things. One was about my diet the other was about my none-existent menstruation. she helped me to see that i can be a healthier me by changing a few things about my current lifestyle. I just gotta work on it. :-p work on it, work on it. jajaja bed time
So why do i deserve to be healthy...
1. i was wonderful and fearfully made by the hands of God. And i honestly don't think that, my human person was meant to be this big. i don't feel as though i can complete God's work the way I am. I want to give Him, my best and my all. That is part of why i want to do this.
So why do i want to be healthy...
1. there are alot of answers
2. i want energy, today i spent the day laying in bed because i was so tired, and i had so much today, and could not get out of bed. now this seems to be my lack of sleep, but eh. whatever. I just need to start doing it, instead of keep on waiting.
3. my grandparents health has been spiraling out of control in the past couple of months, and seeing how they have progressed, i want to avoid that. i want to be the best me that i can be. i want to lead a healthy lifestyle. and the best time to start is now. not in 40 years when its necessary, i want to live a healthy life.
One thing that i did to try and make progress regarding my health is to visit my doctor. I went the other day to talk to her about a few things. One was about my diet the other was about my none-existent menstruation. she helped me to see that i can be a healthier me by changing a few things about my current lifestyle. I just gotta work on it. :-p work on it, work on it. jajaja bed time
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Oprah
Oprah today, is about ultimate health check list --
1. Get a Doctor
2. The 5 to Avoid
* High-fructose corn syrup
* Sugar
* 'Enriched'
* Trans fats (extends the shelf life)
* Saturated fat
3. Foods to Add
* Anti-Oxidants (tomatoes, Blueberries, Artichokes)
* Omega 3 (3 grams a day) Fish, flax seeds, walnuts, Squash
* Fiber (25 gams) lentils, black beans, raspberries
* Olive Oil (1 tablespoon)
4. Take a multi-vitamin
* No more than 5000IU
5. Know your #'s
* Waist Size
* Blood Pressure
* Cholestoral
* Resting heart rate
* Blood sugar
* Vitamin D levels
* C-Reactive Protein level
* TSH -- Thyroid Stimulating Hormone
Assignments:
1. Why am I worthy of getting healthy?
2. Three foods to stop buying / three foods to add
Love
So, the second day of the new year, and im still rather 'unhappy' for a lack of better terms. The more i ponder my current situation the more worried or nervous I get that I am not where I am suppose to be. Why do these things seem to be at the forefront of my mind? Why am i preoccupied with something that for so long i didn't care about. Maybe I have been kidding myself for years that I didn't care about falling in love, maybe deep down I really want to fall in loved. But isn't that greatest desire of all humans, to love and be loved? I have put on this front for so long that I don't care about falling in love, that for me its just an added bonus if i do happen to fall in love. uh i have always felt that if i don't go looking then love will find me, but what if I am suppose to be looking. But ultimately the biggest question for me is, WHY DO I CARE? I have never cared before, and now all of a sudden i do. I don't know if i have any single friends. maybe thats my problem. maybe i need to find people who aren't currently attached to others.
The reason I am trying to work this all out, is because I know the damage that this sort of mental and emotional problem will cause for me. 1. I will eat too much and 2. I will drink too much. Both are things that I have vowed to stop doing so much in the coming year because of my desire to be healthy. AHH. Im over it, its out, I care. I admit that I care. I want to fall in love. I want to know what it feels like. Right now, I am close to just eating and drinking away the pain... eating being a more practical option. The temptation is killing me, but I am going to do something more productive, what that is, i don't know.
Thursday, January 1, 2009
The New Year
2008 in review
Jan - May were rather important months as they were characterized by my semester abroad in Spain. It was the first time that I lived rather independent from my family. I learned to be confidant in myself and learned to how to somewhat advocate for myself. I met many amazing people, and I have my regrets, things that I wish I had done differently. But for me to sit here and dwell on the things i didn't do would undermine the things that I did accomplish, especially since I can't go back and change what happened. The only thing that will end up happening is, that I will beat myself up and get depressed. So the best things about Spain.
1. Anique, Mandie, -- two amazing girls who taught me alot about life. Anique made me realize that I need to stop allowing my past to be an excuse for the future. That is huge for me. And both girls made me see that I can be a confidant young women. They both also dragged me onto dance floors, and i learned to let go and have fun. To me dancing is an expression of freedom, and if i am not ashamed of myself out there, and can be myself, shouldn't i then be able to transfer that from the dances of the night to my affairs during the day?? (im working towards that).
2. Maria Jose -- a women who showed love in many ways, and allowed me to experience Spanish culture in a way that many Americans exchange students have not been able to. Which reminds me, I need to write to here before i start another semester of school.
May-Aug. The summer months, I was home from the best four months of my life thus far. needless to say i spent time being sad and upset, to be in what i thought to be a very uncultured part of the US, where I would never get a chance to practice the Spanish i worked so hard to acquire. I went back to the job I have held for the past 3 summers as a photographer. The summer proved to be both very positive, and had one negative side effect that I can think of. One of the best things about summer 2008 is that I got to know very well a wonderful girl named Katie. She was a huge blessings, because of the fact that I didn't know her very well before i went to Spain, it was fun to get to know someone and start a relationship with someone after i came back and was a different person. Not to mention, she is just an amazing person who has alot to offer to the world. The only problem though however, is that we did spend alot of time outside of work drinking together. I think i get some of my drinking habits from her... which can't be that great, but remember, im working on drinking less. So far i have done a good job doing that, only having one drink a night here with my parents. I know i could probably do less than that.
As I write this post, there are so many things that are running through my mind about things i feel I want to change about myself in the year to come. wow. so before i even get to finish my 2008 review, my brain is jumping to 2009, uh... I have had too much time to think in the past couple of hours, and now I am overwhelmed by alot of things. so here we go. I am going to list them out...
1. I feel like I am still 12 years old.
This past week I have been on vacation with my parents and my brother. a family vacation is not a bad thing at all. it has been alot of fun none the less. however, the only difference between now and vacations when i was 12 is that i can drive and i can drink. I don't feel like i have grown up at all. Is that a bad thing? Im still trying to work that one out in my head.
2. Am I scared of love?
I feel as though i make excuses as to why i cant be in relationships. Not that i have anyone interested in me, but if i did, what would i do. This kind of goes aolong with the idea that I feel like i am 12 years old. I look around me, and all of my cousins and my friends have been in serious relationships, or are currently in a serious relationship. Why are things different with me? Rationally i know that it isn't smart to start a relationship with someone now, when i am planning on moving to California is 8 months.. why would I do that?? what happens if i do find someone, i dunno, lots to think about. but whatever thats another day.
I think tomorrow i can post some more when I am bored at the airport. Good night for now.
Jan - May were rather important months as they were characterized by my semester abroad in Spain. It was the first time that I lived rather independent from my family. I learned to be confidant in myself and learned to how to somewhat advocate for myself. I met many amazing people, and I have my regrets, things that I wish I had done differently. But for me to sit here and dwell on the things i didn't do would undermine the things that I did accomplish, especially since I can't go back and change what happened. The only thing that will end up happening is, that I will beat myself up and get depressed. So the best things about Spain.
1. Anique, Mandie, -- two amazing girls who taught me alot about life. Anique made me realize that I need to stop allowing my past to be an excuse for the future. That is huge for me. And both girls made me see that I can be a confidant young women. They both also dragged me onto dance floors, and i learned to let go and have fun. To me dancing is an expression of freedom, and if i am not ashamed of myself out there, and can be myself, shouldn't i then be able to transfer that from the dances of the night to my affairs during the day?? (im working towards that).
2. Maria Jose -- a women who showed love in many ways, and allowed me to experience Spanish culture in a way that many Americans exchange students have not been able to. Which reminds me, I need to write to here before i start another semester of school.
May-Aug. The summer months, I was home from the best four months of my life thus far. needless to say i spent time being sad and upset, to be in what i thought to be a very uncultured part of the US, where I would never get a chance to practice the Spanish i worked so hard to acquire. I went back to the job I have held for the past 3 summers as a photographer. The summer proved to be both very positive, and had one negative side effect that I can think of. One of the best things about summer 2008 is that I got to know very well a wonderful girl named Katie. She was a huge blessings, because of the fact that I didn't know her very well before i went to Spain, it was fun to get to know someone and start a relationship with someone after i came back and was a different person. Not to mention, she is just an amazing person who has alot to offer to the world. The only problem though however, is that we did spend alot of time outside of work drinking together. I think i get some of my drinking habits from her... which can't be that great, but remember, im working on drinking less. So far i have done a good job doing that, only having one drink a night here with my parents. I know i could probably do less than that.
As I write this post, there are so many things that are running through my mind about things i feel I want to change about myself in the year to come. wow. so before i even get to finish my 2008 review, my brain is jumping to 2009, uh... I have had too much time to think in the past couple of hours, and now I am overwhelmed by alot of things. so here we go. I am going to list them out...
1. I feel like I am still 12 years old.
This past week I have been on vacation with my parents and my brother. a family vacation is not a bad thing at all. it has been alot of fun none the less. however, the only difference between now and vacations when i was 12 is that i can drive and i can drink. I don't feel like i have grown up at all. Is that a bad thing? Im still trying to work that one out in my head.
2. Am I scared of love?
I feel as though i make excuses as to why i cant be in relationships. Not that i have anyone interested in me, but if i did, what would i do. This kind of goes aolong with the idea that I feel like i am 12 years old. I look around me, and all of my cousins and my friends have been in serious relationships, or are currently in a serious relationship. Why are things different with me? Rationally i know that it isn't smart to start a relationship with someone now, when i am planning on moving to California is 8 months.. why would I do that?? what happens if i do find someone, i dunno, lots to think about. but whatever thats another day.
I think tomorrow i can post some more when I am bored at the airport. Good night for now.
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