The New Year

2008 in review
Jan - May were rather important months as they were characterized by my semester abroad in Spain. It was the first time that I lived rather independent from my family. I learned to be confidant in myself and learned to how to somewhat advocate for myself. I met many amazing people, and I have my regrets, things that I wish I had done differently. But for me to sit here and dwell on the things i didn't do would undermine the things that I did accomplish, especially since I can't go back and change what happened. The only thing that will end up happening is, that I will beat myself up and get depressed. So the best things about Spain.
1. Anique, Mandie, -- two amazing girls who taught me alot about life. Anique made me realize that I need to stop allowing my past to be an excuse for the future. That is huge for me. And both girls made me see that I can be a confidant young women. They both also dragged me onto dance floors, and i learned to let go and have fun. To me dancing is an expression of freedom, and if i am not ashamed of myself out there, and can be myself, shouldn't i then be able to transfer that from the dances of the night to my affairs during the day?? (im working towards that).
2. Maria Jose -- a women who showed love in many ways, and allowed me to experience Spanish culture in a way that many Americans exchange students have not been able to. Which reminds me, I need to write to here before i start another semester of school.
May-Aug. The summer months, I was home from the best four months of my life thus far. needless to say i spent time being sad and upset, to be in what i thought to be a very uncultured part of the US, where I would never get a chance to practice the Spanish i worked so hard to acquire. I went back to the job I have held for the past 3 summers as a photographer. The summer proved to be both very positive, and had one negative side effect that I can think of. One of the best things about summer 2008 is that I got to know very well a wonderful girl named Katie. She was a huge blessings, because of the fact that I didn't know her very well before i went to Spain, it was fun to get to know someone and start a relationship with someone after i came back and was a different person. Not to mention, she is just an amazing person who has alot to offer to the world. The only problem though however, is that we did spend alot of time outside of work drinking together. I think i get some of my drinking habits from her... which can't be that great, but remember, im working on drinking less. So far i have done a good job doing that, only having one drink a night here with my parents. I know i could probably do less than that.

As I write this post, there are so many things that are running through my mind about things i feel I want to change about myself in the year to come. wow. so before i even get to finish my 2008 review, my brain is jumping to 2009, uh... I have had too much time to think in the past couple of hours, and now I am overwhelmed by alot of things. so here we go. I am going to list them out...
1. I feel like I am still 12 years old.
This past week I have been on vacation with my parents and my brother. a family vacation is not a bad thing at all. it has been alot of fun none the less. however, the only difference between now and vacations when i was 12 is that i can drive and i can drink. I don't feel like i have grown up at all. Is that a bad thing? Im still trying to work that one out in my head.
2. Am I scared of love?
I feel as though i make excuses as to why i cant be in relationships. Not that i have anyone interested in me, but if i did, what would i do. This kind of goes aolong with the idea that I feel like i am 12 years old. I look around me, and all of my cousins and my friends have been in serious relationships, or are currently in a serious relationship. Why are things different with me? Rationally i know that it isn't smart to start a relationship with someone now, when i am planning on moving to California is 8 months.. why would I do that?? what happens if i do find someone, i dunno, lots to think about. but whatever thats another day.

I think tomorrow i can post some more when I am bored at the airport. Good night for now.