Love

So, the second day of the new year, and im still rather 'unhappy' for a lack of better terms. The more i ponder my current situation the more worried or nervous I get that I am not where I am suppose to be. Why do these things seem to be at the forefront of my mind? Why am i preoccupied with something that for so long i didn't care about. Maybe I have been kidding myself for years that I didn't care about falling in love, maybe deep down I really want to fall in loved. But isn't that greatest desire of all humans, to love and be loved? I have put on this front for so long that I don't care about falling in love, that for me its just an added bonus if i do happen to fall in love. uh i have always felt that if i don't go looking then love will find me, but what if I am suppose to be looking. But ultimately the biggest question for me is, WHY DO I CARE? I have never cared before, and now all of a sudden i do. I don't know if i have any single friends. maybe thats my problem. maybe i need to find people who aren't currently attached to others. 

The reason I am trying to work this all out, is because I know the damage that this sort of mental and emotional problem will cause for me. 1. I will eat too much and 2. I will drink too much. Both are things that I have vowed to stop doing so much in the coming year because of my desire to be healthy. AHH. Im over it, its out, I care. I admit that I care. I want to fall in love. I want to know what it feels like. Right now, I am close to just eating and drinking away the pain... eating being a more practical option. The temptation is killing me, but I am going to do something more productive, what that is, i don't know.